Since the start of this Covid-19 quarantine, I’ve watched my fellow ministers post lots of relevant and encouraging responses to this situation. And I have wondered if I should write something relevant, encouraging and responsive. Then I’ve put a pillow over my head and tried to go back to sleep.
I have a case of The Quarantine Blues. Is my faith shaken by the virus and collapse of the economy? Not particularly. And let’s be honest. What can I speak into this mess that hasn’t been said? From end-of-the-world predictions to everything is going to be alright, it’s all being said.
But I do have some musings to share – honest and not very spiritualized – I admit it up front.
1. I’m bored.
It is a confusing boredom because just a few days ago, my husband and I commented on how little we enjoyed leaving our home. Now that we are not supposed to leave our home (the same home that we enjoy so much), we are bored and can’t wait to escape.
2. I’m confused.
Why is my small city with only 0 – 5 cases of Covid-19 in ICU with less than 20 in hospital totally shut down like we are NYC? Scratching my head.
3. I’m worried.
Not so much about my family’s financial security, but about people like the owner of the small restaurant my son works at part-time. Over 50% of profit goes to salaries. All of his employees are out of work. Will my intellectually challenged son have a job when this is over? Will the restaurant go out of business? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find safe and suitable employment for the intellectually challenged?
4. I’m scared.
In my head I think the risk is very low given how my city does life. We are not packed together. Public transportation isn’t much of a thing here. But what if I’m wrong? What if we are all going to die a horrible death!!!!
Ok. Enough of that.
Yesterday, Jay (my son) and I were returning from a grocery run to a packed-out Winn Dixie which was out of steaks! Can you imagine? The meat people are out of steaks, but I digress. Jay kept asking and asking and asking when he is going back to work and if he is going back to work.
I wasn’t having my best day. (See list above). So, I told him to please stop — just stop with the questions about this stupid virus. He fell silent, then he popped up with this: The Lord just said: “Fear not, for I am with you.”
Jay loves going to church on Sunday. He has friends there, the kindest of Christians who love and accept him, so he misses church deeply. To fill that void, he has asked us to read the Easter story together in the evenings. So this Holy Week, we have gathered as a family to worship, read the story and share communion. First time ever that Jay has been willing to participate in family worship.
And games! He is willing to play simple games with me. Because of his handicap, he has shied away from competitive games. Turns out he is a ruthless Uno player.
And there are things that I do not miss about our old way of life.
1. The pace.
I realize this isn’t true for those who are essential workers (Who the heck isn’t essential? Someone has to pay the bills). But I go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning without that anxious push to accomplish something. That’s nice. I needed a break without knowing I needed a break.
2. The traffic.
My daughter moved from her condo into a house in the midst of this and needed our help. She lives in Atlanta where the traffic is terrifying. Not this trip. Nice and quiet.
3. The neighbors.
Disappearing into the work place, coming home and disappearing into our houses is the norm around here. But now my neighbors are working in their yards and taking walks. Jay and I enjoy waving and greeting these people as we wander around outside. It’s as if our neighborhood has been populated with humans for the very first time.
Hey! I do have something spiritual to take away from this: I’m ready for Jesus to return. I’m not just saying I’m saved and thus ready to die. I’m saying that I have pondered the second coming, and I’m ready for God to wrap up this age of suffering.
I couldn’t say that before. There was always a smidgen of fear, a worry about my people, an attachment to this world that sounded an alarm whenever I considered the return of Christ. I can now say that I don’t feel that way anymore.
Sure. There is some fear of the unknown, but I’m ready whenever You are, Lord.
Maranatha! Come soon, sweet Jesus.
Hugs,
Susan
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