I was driving home from the grocery store the other day when I noticed a new For Sale sign in a neighbor’s yard. Like I often do, I wondered if I would like that house more than my own. Into my wondering mind, the Lord said, “I like your house.”
Surprised, I asked, “Why do you like it?”
He said, “I like it because you live there.”
“You like my house just because I live there?”
“Yup. Just because you live there,” the Lord answered.
Well, that was a shift in perspective and, in that shift, I realized that I had been secretly longing for a fantasy house. Do you know what I mean? The perfect house where I would be perfectly happy? Maybe it would be self-cleaning. I don’t know. The perfect house is a fantasy so why not self-cleaning?
The joke is on me because, for years, I have been advising people to give up their fantasies. Real spouses and real children come with a mess of expectations and problems. Real jobs are challenging. Living with our feet firmly on the ground in the difficulties of our present—not off somewhere in a fantasy future—is challenging. But that’s how we mature. Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we work our way through tough situations and complicated relationships.
What happens to that maturity process when we live our lives comparing what we do have to what we can imagine having? What happens when I compare the reality of my nice, but ordinary house, to the make-believe house I have invented? I cannot enjoy what I have. I’m always comparing it to a fantasy house.
Now apply that to a spouse. What happens when I compare my husband to a fantasy man? Is he going to fall short? You betcha. Us women are side-eying our men, thinking you are not at all like the romance novel hero in my head. This does not bode well for a healthy marriage.
Singles who want to marry are particularly subject to falling into the fantasy marriage trap. They often imagine that they would be perfectly happy if only they were married. Instead of embracing their single state and turning their attention and prayers to building the kingdom of God, they waste themselves in mourning what they do not have. Marriage does not come with a happiness guarantee. And if you go into marriage with fantasy expectations in place, not only will you be profoundly disappointed in the ordinary man or woman you marry, you will not be prepared when the unexpected mess of our world smacks the marriage in the face.
I think many of our prayers are efforts to convince God to build our personal kingdoms. Gimme that man/woman/child/job/house/future that will make me happy. The problem is our personal kingdoms are like castles in the sky. Mere fantasies that prevent us from enjoying, or grappling with, our present circumstances.
It’s important that we ask the Lord to show us what our fantasies really are, so that we can escape their grip, live in reality, and be free to turn our attention and prayers to building His Kingdom. Nothing is more fulfilling or satisfying than working with Him to build something lasting, real, and eternal.
The world is passing away and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God continues to live forever. 1 John 2:17
In the building of His kingdom, there is fulfillment and this promise:
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided to you. Matthew 6:33
Let’s pray:
Lord God,
You know which of our hopes and dreams have become unhealthy and ungodly fantasies. You know which fantasies have captured us so that we are always unhappy and always disappointed. Please make us willing to give up these fantasies. Help us embrace our reality and turn our attention to the joy of building Your kingdom.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Matthew 6:10
God bless you!
Susan
Update: The Performing Heart and The Quiet Heart are now available as audiobooks. I am teaching an in-person class and working on book three of the Heart series. The new book is titled Spiritual Realities and The Tribal Heart. Prayers are so appreciated. Be sure to check out the ministry’s YouTube channel!
