I was worshipping the Lord in the shower one morning when He told me His opinion about something my mom had said to me. She has since passed away and is in heaven. Before I tell you what He said, let me give you a little backstory.
Since I was a child, jealous people have been the bane of my existence. I never know what will set off a jealous person. Did I breathe wrong? Is it the fact that I exist? And jealous people inevitably belong to the Do Whatever It Takes To Get Even tribe, so once they decide you have hurt them, they will make you pay.
So here is what set off my jealous mother. I told her that I had made my husband Sam a from-scratch, homemade birthday cake.
Let me establish from the get-go that I am not as fond of baking as I am of consuming baked goods. Sam is a health-focused guy. He exercises regularly and if he believes it is good for him will eat the awfulest things. So an ordinary box cake will not do for him. This means that every year I bake him a fig cake using our very own figs from our very own tree. Her name is Molly. Only one year the figs were late coming in so I decided I would make him a Zucchini Blueberry Cake (found the recipe on Facebook). He is the only person I know who enjoys vegetables in his birthday cake. But whatever …
Some years back when my mom turned 90, I threw her a huge elaborate (translate expensive and work-intensive) party. I loved doing that for her. But the following year I was returning from a high-stress trip on her birthday and could only visit for a short time. I brought a store-bought coconut cake and a few presents. I stayed long enough to watch her open the presents, chatted for a bit, then headed home to tend to my responsibilities there.
My mom’s birthday is before my husband’s so the visit with a store-bought cake had happened and Sam’s birthday had just passed. I am back at my mom’s house for a longer visit. As I was clipping her toenails, since she couldn’t do that for herself anymore, I chattily told her about Sam’s homemade vegetable cake. She visibly recoils as I tell the story and I take note of her reaction. After a few short minutes of silence, she tells me my hair looks horrible. Then she informs me that I am going bald.
You better believe that freaked me out. But I held it inside because, to be perfectly honest with you, I was scared to death of my own mother. I finished her pedicure, cleaned up the mess, then raced to the bathroom mirror and begin parting my hair to see if it was true that I was going bald. In that moment, looking in the mirror, it seemed like I did have serious balding issues. Funny that I hadn’t notice that before she said anything.
That is how powerful the words of a jealous person are. This encounter threw me into a depression which eventually resulted in a major healing for me. Yay God. But still the question remained: Why did my mother attack me like that? Did she really believe what she said or was she trying to hurt me? See, I cannot connect the dots myself because I don’t think like a jealous person (or a narcissist or a sociopath or a psychopath). Intentionally hurting someone just does not compute for me. I don’t even like picking a flower!
Back to the understanding that God gave me as I was worshiping in the shower. According to Him, my mom said what she said with the intention of hurting me, because she envied my husband’s vegetable cake. That was the motive behind her cruel words. Here is the lie she believed: Making Sam a homemade cake meant that I loved him more than her.
So what did she do with the painful emotions she felt when she believed that lie? She transferred her pain by stabbing it into me with her words. Watch for this kind of emotional off-load because it is more common than you may think. She also used her words to punish me for supposedly loving Sam more than her. Here are some scriptures describing how words can be used as weapons:
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword … Proverbs 12:18
For they do not speak peace, but they devise deceitful words against those who are quiet in the land. Psalm 35:20
They have also surrounded me with words of hatred, and fought against me without cause. In return for my love they act as my accusers … Psalm 109:3-4
When you are stabbed with the jealousy of others, I suggest running to Jesus who understands jealousy like no other. Sit with Him in the pain and He will make it better.
God bless,
Susan
Let’s pray.
Lord, cleanse me of all the jealous words that have been used against me. Take away the emotions that were transferred by those cruel words. Heal the hurt. Open my eyes to the motives behind what people say. Teach me to use my words to bring hope and healing. In the name of Jesus, I ask these things.
